Remember last November you were busy doing Panto
I struck up a conversation with a blonde who sings belle canto
And she asked me if I’d like to spend an evening…by her side

We played all night
She sang Mozart and Puccini, she wore flip-flops and a bikini
And in the morning when we finished she said, “thank you”!
She held me, took my business card, and we both cried

I play around (what?)
I play around (Do I know her?)
I feel so ashamed (This is so unlike you)
But I play around (Well if it just once)

At first I was elated, but soon it escalated
When she recommended me to all her musical friends
And then before I knew it there was a karaoke orgy
I sat fingering a bumper book of show tunes (I felt really dirty. But I couldn’t stop)

I played for trios and ensembles, and a tribute to The Wombles
Orinoco flowed along with the champagne
And although I felt unstable when the cash was on the table
I felt compelled to do it all again

I play around (I can’t believe it)
I play around (how many people exactly?)
I still feel ashamed (The Wombles?)
But I still play around (We’ve got a show to do here)

And though we love playing this wonderful show
For these wonderful people out there
Maybe if you’d shown me that I mattered to you
I wouldn’t have looked elsewhere

I play around (so it’s my fault now is it?)
I play around (after everything I’ve done for you)
I feel unclean (I’ve given you the best years of my career)
But I still play around (you dirty, dirty, dirty)

I didn't mean to hurt you
I hope you understand
Everybody wants me
And it's getting out of hand
My diary is bulging
I can't take it any more
Last week a critic called me
‘An overexposed ubiquitous piano-playing whore’

S: Please don’t cry Michael. It’s ugly. I think you’ve been punished enough

Just always use protection, so you don’t get an infection
Or pick up filthy habits where you’ve played
We can work this out together, after all we’re friends forever
Provided you don’t mind not getting paid (what?)
Come home Michael, you’re my magic fingered fella
Without you I am nothing, I’m just singing a cappella
Come home Michael, I need you please believe me
I’ll chain you to the keyboard so you’ll never ever leave me…

I play around (stop telling everyone)
I play around (it’s nothing to be proud of)
I feel released (I get offers you know)
I play around

And cause we love playing this wonderful show
For these wonderful people out there
S: If I promise you’ll get the applause and the praise
M: As long as you’re happy to give me a raise
Whatever it takes (S: within reason)
I’ll stay around

(If you do it again I’ll chop off your fingers and shove them up your an*s in an oven mit).