Please don't hand me your baby
It's great that you love him so much
Don't make me explain
Why it causes me pain
Please, don't make me touch him
Please don't hand me your baby
I know that you’re trying to be nice
I can see he's awake
But it makes my heart ache
Please, don’t ask me twice cause
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly
I hardly know where to begin
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly as sin
Please don't hand me your darling
I promise I won't come around
He's your little prince
But his smile makes me wince
As he gurgles that inhuman sound
Please don't hand me your loved one
I beg you don’t me make use force
He's stolen your youth
And to tell you the truth
I see why you filed for divorce cause
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly
He’s covered in strange baby skin
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly as sin
(Bridge)
And no I am not in denial
I don't look at you with green eyes
There's no need to stand me on trial
Just cause something inside of me dies-when-I-see-your-fat-baby...
Please don't hand me your cutie
The hope for the whole human race
The smell of his bum
Is beginning to hum
But at least it distracts from his face, oh
Please don't hand me your precious
I don't mean to sound so unkind
He’s covered in snot
Put him back in his cot
You must be out of your mind
(Spoken: Wait…was that a smile? For me? Oh)
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly
What’s that strange growth on its chin?
(Michael spoken: it's his face)
Your baby is ugly
Your baby is ugly
Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly
Ugly, bugly, ugly, bugly
Thank God it isn't a twin.
